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You can judge the quality of your communication by the response you get ...
Have
you ever been talking with someone when they reacted (or overreacted)
and their reaction took you by surprise? In this case, did you:
a. Repeat what you just said, only louder
b. Just keep talking and ignore their response
c. React with an equal amount of defensiveness, anger or ?
d. Quickly explain your point of view
Congratulations, if you chose any of the above, you are among friends ... because most of us do just those things ...
However,
there's another option that will turn conflict (unless you were going
for that reaction) into an opportunity to build trust instead ...
1. Check in and check it out. Imagine you had a remote control and the second you see their (unexpected) reaction, push the "pause" button. Say these exact words with both of your eyebrows UP and with genuine empathy: "What did you hear me say that got that response?"
2. Listen.
3. Then say,"OK ... let me say it differently ..." (NOT "No, I didn't, No, I said .... etc.) AVOID USING THE WORD"NO"
With these steps you will:
1. Interrupt the unproductive conversation pattern
2. Show you care and build trust with your willingness to notice the nonverbal signs of conflict, and
3. Clarify by rephrasing
4. Take responsibility for the quality of your communication
